Good Day, Bad Day

It’s been a while since either of us have posted.  This is because we’ve had a really rough patch.  Our TTC issues are one of various casualties in not looking after our mental health.  As alluded to before, we face anxiety on a monumental scale.  In fact, the more ‘other stuff’ is ruled out of our TTC check-list, the more it highlights problems that have been with us for years.

In an effort to resolve part of our issues, we are trying to be open and honest with each other and to confront problems as the arise.  This is easier said than done.  It is difficult to be generous with someone’s feeling when it feels like you’re the injured party.  But it is the cruelness of depression and anxiety to cause isolation by driving a wedge between you and those you love.  It takes a LOT to face problems head on, but it’s better that the alternative.

One of the keys to this is TALKING.  It’s something that anyone TTC knows.  The first rule of (In)Fertility Club is…, except people don’t talk, and that’s the point.  People don’t talk about things because it’s dealing with something that is horribly difficult to say, or for others to hear.  But it’s good to talk…

Good day – Telling a friend on the phone about our fertility woes.  It was a revelation to feel like it’s a dirty secret, but just as delicious to share.

Bad day – Being caught up on the pregnancy of someone more than a decade younger than you.

Good day – Silent weeping at a play with an unexpected fertility storyline, next to the friend you shared your own worries with and getting a little squeeze of love from them.

Bad day – Trying to have conversation with people that you know have experience fertility issues because they were very (helpfully) vocal about it.  But on wonderful, surprise second baby joy, they seem to have forgotten about triggers and sensitivity.

Good day – Sleeping, for as long as you need to sleep, then still not having to get up if you don’t want to.

Bad day – Picking up on (real or imagined) signs in other people; cancelling a trip due to ‘health reasons’, buying a brand new dress that’s clearly too big, sudden social media blackout.

Good day – Being asked if you want company for impending hospital appointments, or at least a coffee afterwards.

Bad day – absolutely no contact, because nothing is worth saying.

Good day – Having really honest chats while running.  It’s a win/win health-wise.  You can say anything, without looking at the person, then distract them by pointing out a funny-looking tree.

The important thing in all this, is to aim for more good days than bad.  Knowing that an army of middle fingers against the world of worry and sadness, is better than trying to fight alone.


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